The Darkness of Your Mind
by Sheerstupidrambler
Summary: This girl, in the entire school, had no chance to live normally. Her Obsession took her wholely. He did not want her. She was a student. All she ever did was drink an unknown potion. What is the harm in that? *OC/Snape*
1. Chapter 1

Dearest diary,

I just realized how hideous my script is! Why didn't anyone tell me? This is so unprofessional for a Ravenclaw! How in the world am I supposed to make the Ravenclaw name even more exceptional than it is now?

Well anyways, this is my first year at Hogwarts, and it seems like this place is…..dare I say it? Simple. But what I do not understand how some of these other houses are better than ours. Well….except for Hufflepuff I suppose! But the Slytherin house seems to be filled with arrogant children who don't know anything about anything! Gryffindor is filled with a bunch of supposedly "Brave" boys and girls. Ravenclaw, the very best house, is filled with the most intelligent, wonderful people! I don't know what a Hufflepuff is!

It seems no one else here is vegan. So I left during the feast after eating a salad. I was about to hurl seeing a red headed boy stuff his face with a poor chickens leg! It was atrocious! After I left the dining hall I went to the Ravenclaw common room.

Prior to arrival, when I was at the train station, I met this girl with peach hair and purple eyes. She said her name was Lucy, at first I thought she was a first year too, until she told me she's a fifth year. I told her that she had to be joking! Evidently she was not.

Speaking of first years, the professor were all in a tizzy over a first year. For some reason he special. I tell you he's probably one of the most ungifted Gryffindor ever! But he spent the entire day with the red headed boy and girl with extremely frizzy hair! They are the silliest trio I've ever seen.

I do miss my parents and friends in London. They would make this place a bit more stimulating for me. But there seems to be one person that I'm dying to meet. He spent the entire night with Draco Malfoy. Yes, I'm admitting that I want to meet a Slytherin.

The thought of meeting him makes my skin crawl but I can't help but want to meet him! He looks different but…I don't know, diary. Then again he's not as handsome as Draco. But I will never get involved with a Malfoy, they're a bad breed.

Well everyone seems to be coming into the room, so I shall write to you later.

Love and brains,

Carmella

I know diary I said I'd write later but I could not miss this chance! I have made a friend! Her name is Olgea Treven, and she sleeps in the bed next to mine! And she asked me about my schedule we have almost all our classes together! She has dark auburn hair and pumpkin orange eyes! And she is not too keen on meat, either! We shall be fast friends!

The other girls in the room are nice, too. Like Vivian and a girl names Josline, but she wants all of us to call her Shultz! And for about an hour we were playing riddle games and puzzles! I felt like I was among a family! Together we shall rise up and beat the other houses to smithereens!

Olgea said that she's a first year, but her brothers and sisters will help us out till they graduate! All I know is I have Potions class first with a Severus Snape…..I'm sorry, but his name is funny! Well, I must sleep so I can have full functioning brain! GOOD NIGHT!

-The happiest Ravenclaw!


	2. Chapter 2

That day caused a change into her life. And it all started in potions class. She sat there like a perfect student, as usual for a Ravenclaw. She noticed, by looking away for a moment, there was a student looking onto a vile. The vile was filled with a bright orange liquid and her eyes grew wide with interest. But she quickly snapped her head back to the front of the room, where Professor Snape was explaining the effects of a love potion. She remained focused though she wanted so badly to look into that potion once more.

At the end of class, she walked over to the student who was also intrigued by the vile of liquid. He looked at her strangely for a moment then explained it was a creation of his own.

"It's a combination of a love potion and urm…..I don't remember at the moment. But it made a most fascinating color. Don't you agree?" He said tall and proud. She nodded furiously.

"Are you going to introduce it to the professor?" she asked

"Not on your life! He would probably punish me for trying something on my own."

She laughed and smiled " Well it seems lovely." He shyly shrugged and set it down, turning to get his books. And while he walked back to his seat, she got a wonderful thought, Maybe just a sip. She reached out and grabbed the vile, and quickly drank a few drops. She set it down and smiled. The student returned and looked at her with a stranger look than the last time.

"Are you alright? You look ill!" he looked at her with a concerned expression

"Peerrrrrrfeeeeccct." She cooed and left the room. She turned the first corner and blacked out.

* * *

><p>Carmella's eyes opened and she nonchalantly scanned the room. When she finally realized she was in the hospital wing, she tilted her head to the side to see another person in a bed across from her. His hair was chin length and black, as were his clothes.<p>

He looked at her and asked, "Why are you staring at me?"

Her eyes grew unnaturally wide. "Professor?" She asked. "You came to see me?" She beamed.

The student looked at her and said, "What?"

When she didn't respond he squirmed. She giggled enthusiastically. The student called out for the nurse and as she entered, Carmella passed out once more.

And in her subconscious, she could only see the Professor. _Snape_, she thought, _he loves me!_

The student from across the room could hear the girl call out Snape's name. He wondered why she though he was Snape. Yes his hair was somewhat long and dark, but this girl was crazy! He quickly looked at the nurse and simply said, "I would like to go to a different part of the hospital wing, please." The nurse nodded and scurried out.

*Page break*

Carmella was finally allowed out of the hospital wing and she could not stop grinning. She had potions class first. She wanted to see Snape and thank him for seeing her. But unfortunately the first person she ran into was the boy who had the orange liquid.

"Carmella! Hey Carmella! Wait up!" he called out.

"What? Oh, hi." She gave him a look of annoyance. "Can I help you?"

"I just wanted to see if you were ok. Are you ok?"

"Never better. Why would you care?"

"Because you passed out right after you left class last week! I'm just curious as to why!"

She looked at him and shrugged and walked into Potions class, leaving the boy dumbfounded and just a bit frightened.

* * *

><p>"Sir?" She asked when she entered, slowly approaching Snape's desk.<p>

"What can I do for you, Miss Pondwrite?" He asked, not taking his eyes off his papers.

"I wanted to thank you for visiting me in the hospital, sir. It was very sweet of you."

"Miss Pondwrite, I do not visit any of my students in the hospital wing."

"But you did! Sir, I remember it! Don't lie!"

Snape's eyes narrowed and he looked up at the girl "I don't think I would lie about something as unimportant as this. No, I did not visit you. I was merely informed you were there."

The girls face fell. "But you did."

"Miss Pondwrite, if you would be so kind as to take your seat so class can begin?"

She nodded and walked to her seat, furious. _He loves me, he just won't admit he came to see me! _She thought and smiled a wicked grin. _He is just afraid I'll do something rash. _And before she knew it, she was in the fetal position on the floor, sobbing.


	3. Chapter 3

Carmella twisted her hair around her finger and sat on her bed. They had sent her out of the hospital wing again. She couldn't figure why anyone thought she was crazy, it was Snape who was making her this way! She felt a sudden pain in the back of her head and her eyes darkened. The other Ravenclaw's didn't seem to notice because they were all asleep. She felt odd that she needed to see him, it wouldn't be so odd because she had missed class.

The hallways seemed silent for Carmella, being as paranoid as she had been if recently, she hid in a dark corner. A figure emerged, it was Mcgonagall, she was walking quickly and stiffly and soon disappeared from sight. She hurried and turned the corner, and she fell because she had run into someone. The black chin-length hair and pale skin shown, it mumbled apologies.

It was a second year named Jonathon, but in her mind it was Snape. He quickly ran off and she smiled a wicked smile. It seemed all to real for Carmella, thinking Snape loved her and him 'running into her.'

She almost ran into Snapes office and he gave her a glare.

"Miss Pondwrite?"

"Severus."

"Seeing as I am a Professor, I would like to inform you, that it is required that you call me professor."

"No, not since you have lied to me, Severus. I will call you what I bloody please."

"Go back to your dormitory, Miss Pondwrite. That is an order." She now stood directly in front of him and his desk. She leaned foreword.

"I know what you said in the Hospital Wing, and that you lied because I'm only a first year. Then you run into me in hallways? You cannot help yourself can you?" Snape stood up.

"Leave NOW!" he boomed and it frightened her.

"Alright, Severus. But remember, I'll be here when you are ready." He watched as the first year left with the demeanor of a much older female. He frowned and looked back down at his papers and made a note of this even.

* * *

><p>Carmella had gone through the weeks, stalking her professor. Everyone noticed and kept distant from her. One day near the end of the year, she became overcome by the potion again.<p>

She stared at him as all the other students left his class. He became increasingly uncomfortable with her sitting like a statue. She slowly rolled her sleeve up exposing a engraved name. His name. She smiled a ruthful smile that made him sit up.

"I should suggest you get to your other classes."

"Why is that?"

"I have another class and you will be late for your class."

"Why haven't you said what you said it to me?"

"What?"

"That you love me. You said so before, right after the whole potion incident."

"Miss Pondwrite I have never said something of that sort to a student."

"But you love me."

"I should like you to leave." She stood up and ran to the front of the room, her eyes watery.

"YOU LOVE ME! Admit it!"

"Miss Pondwrite, I will have someone escort you out to the Hospital wing immediately!" She began to reach for his hand.

"No, Love, don't! It will only hurt the both of us!" Snape stood with the look of rage.

" Petrificus Totalus!" Snape exclaimed and Carmella froze and fell back. A student entered and Snape looked at him. "Mr. Gregory take Miss Pondwrite to the Hospital wing and inform the Headmaster."

Jonathon Gregory nodded and picked up the girl who was slumped on the floor. He took her to the Hospital wing as he was told. He looked at the girl as they set her on a bed. She was sort of pretty he supposed. It wasn't like she was as crazy as everyone had said. Then he walked out abruptly and found Dumbledore to inform him. As he did, Dumbledore's calm face had a bit of concern adding slowly to it. He thanked the boy and began to make his way to the Hospital wing with Jonathon trailing slowly behind.

* * *

><p>She sat on the train home, alone. All her friends had abandoned her and she sighed. After two hours of crying she fell asleep. In sadness she went home with the note from Madam Pomfry about the situation. She wished for something but didn't know what she wanted.<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

The days wore on for Carmella as summer passed. Her parents were always paranoid that she would try to hurt them. So four days before school began they handed her the money. She was told to go to Diagon Alley and to stay at the Three Broomsticks.

Carmella felt a major pain in her stomach as she took the Floo Powder and stood in the fireplace. She waved goodbye to her empty house.

"Diagon Alley." she said numbly and threw the powder.

* * *

><p>Carmella stood outside the Hogwarts Express, clutching her trunk. She smiled at the girl she rode the train with during the first year. The girl walked over and smiled.<p>

"Hi! You seem tense." she said

"Uhhh yeah. I'm just hoping to have a normal year this year." The girl nodded and boarded the train. Carmella had the feeling of someone watching her, she turned to see a boy with chin length black hair and penetrating purple, gold eyes. She hurried onto the train trying to ignore the boy. She managed to find other Ravenclaw girls who would talk to her. And for the rest of the train ride it seemed as last year was long behind her.

The trained slowed and she felt a peculiar sensation take hold. She pushed it aside and made her way off the train.

* * *

><p>As the sorting began, Carmella couldn't stop staring at Snape. She felt a dark feeling take hold of her. The food that appeared on her plate she barely touched it. She began to mumble words under her breath and the other Ravenclaw started to move far away. She began to fumble with her hands and she stood. She tried to made eye contact with Snape before she left the Great Hall but it didn't work she growled quietly.<p>

She wandered down the halls and felt darkness creep over her and she made her way to the potions classroom. She stood outside the locked door and began to pace. She was attempting to recall the spell to open the door. Until she looked back at the door and touched it, now it was unlocked. She pushed it open and looked about the room, it felt as if someone was calling her into the room. She stepped in.

She ignored all the desks and made her way to Snape's desk. She began to sit in his chair until she was interrupted by the Peeves. Next thing she knew Snape himself was standing in the doorway. She figured the Peeves had told him but she smiled at him instead.

"Miss Pondwrite. I was hoping this year you would keep your space." Snape said harshly.

"But I had to come see you. Alone."

"No, if you please go back to the Feast."

"Please stay with me down here, Severus." she said running up to him, grabbing his hand. He pulled back his hand as if she had shot him.

"Go now."

"Love, you do not scare me with this charade. I know you love me." Her eyes darkened devilishly. She started to circle him and shut the door.

"Leave now. Or you will be expelled." But she attempted to run her hand through his hair, he dodged her reach.

"Love, please don't threaten. DON'T THREATEN! JUST LOVE ME!" she began to wail. She backed him into a desk and leaned in. Before her lips met his the door flew open, and there stood Malfoy and his goons.

"Mr. Malfoy, please remove Miss Pondwrite." Snape said. He was already at his desk. Crabbe walked up to Carmella and began to drag her out of the room. She had a pang of guilt. She told Crabbe to let her go up to her dormitory and he did. She walked up the stairs and buried her head in her pillow and cried herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>Weeks had passed since the incident and she felt committed to her studies and spent multiple days in the library. She felt quiet at peace when she was in there. Hours she would spend in there, just reading multiple books.<p>

One day she was reading and felt that odd sensation come over her again. She sighed in sadness because she realized she had no control over this and her world began to darken. But then it stopped and everything resumed as it was normally. She stood there for a moment puzzled and then heard it again. There was another person in her section but on the other side of the bookshelf, humming a song she knew. It made her feel calm and happy.

"Um excuse me?" she called through the books.

"Yes?" it was a male voice.

"What song are you humming?"

"Oh, it's a love song. Called 'Riff*'"

"Oh. I know that one. May I ask what book are you looking for?"

"Um, nothing really. I just like it in here. You?"

"Same. What year are you?"

"Second. Why?"

"Just curious. Well are you going to be in here tomorrow?"

"Most likely. Here shake my hand as an agreement of being here tomorrow." His hand busted through the books and she shook it.

"I have to go now. It was nice to meet you!"

"Wait! What's your name?"

"Um, I'll tell you someday." she said sneaking out before he could ask anymore. She didn't want him to know about her issues with the potion. She wanted one friend who wouldn't judge her for anything. She beamed as she left the library, humming "Riff".


	5. Chapter 5

"So what do you do for fun besides hang out here?" Carmella asked leaning her back on the shelf. Her and the boy were still on the opposite side of the shelf. She smiled to herself.

"Well not much. I tend to keep to myself. Odd for a Gryffindor, eh?"

"I guess. I seriously don't know a whole lot of Gryffindor students. But I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing."

"So are you ever going to tell me who you are? And why are we still on opposite sides of this shelf?"

"I, um, well I just don't want this to get ruined. Please don't ask why but I'd love if you would just deal with this for a while."

"Oh. Ok then. Since I don't mind telling you anything I shall introduce myself. I'm Jonathon."

"I'm Ca- that's interesting. So what should I know about you?"

"What do you want to know?" Carmella held her tongue for a moment because she wanted to tell him she wanted to know everything.

"What's your favorite book?"

"Oh, its this muggle book called The Wings of the Dove. It shows people for their true intent. That's why I think people should just be them and not care if they are accepted or not." Carmella sat aghast for a moment and tears welled in her eyes. She wiped them away.

"Well, I would to stay and chat but I have to go do something." She quickly got up but hid behind a shelf just diagonal to the one they were at. Jonathon emerged seconds after. She peered through the books to see her stranger. The only thing she could see was black hair and glowing purple eyes. She quickly left the library after that, with girlish butterflies in her stomach.

* * *

><p>Carmella looked at her letter from her parents and she sighed heavily. She began to write back to her parents but it was useless. She crumpled the paper and slammed it against the common room wall. Her parents had stated they could not have her over for Holiday and she was to stay at Hogwarts. And for the first time in a while she didn't want to stay there. She didn't want to talk to Jonathon that day either. But even the thought of him made her happy. She didn't understand why but didn't care.<p>

She hadn't realized she had migrated to the Great Hall until she was there. Fred and George Weasley came bounding up to her.

"Pondwrite! We have been instructed-" Fred started

"To spend time with you over Holiday!" George finished and they began to do a odd sort of jazz hands. She giggled but then stopped when Percy joined there group.

"If they give you any trouble, let me know so I can inform our mother." he said with a quick nod he walked off. George and Fred exchanged looks and then grinned at Carmella.

"So we shall be spending time with you soon!" they exclaimed at the same time then ran after Percy. Probably to aggravate him she supposed.

* * *

><p>Jonathon paced throughout the library and frowned. It had been days since he had heard from the girl. He didn't even know her name! He looked through the notebook that he had, it had multiple notes for her but he had no way of getting them to her. He had overheard Fred and George say she was staying over for holiday. But he knew it would be bad to give them the letters. He then got an idea. He smiled as he wrote one last note and bounded up to the front of the library.<p>

* * *

><p>Carmella escaped into the library, after several hours of spending time with the twins. She had no idea how they did all the things they did. Or how they had enough energy to do them. She did have to admit that she was having fun but she needed some alone time.<p>

"Miss Pondwrite?" Called Madam Pince, who had a bit of an tone of anger in her voice.

"Yes?"

"I was told you left this, if you would please take it." she set the notebook down and quickly walked off to stop a student from throwing a book onto the wrong shelf. Carmella gawked at the notebook, she had never seen it but she took it anyway. She flipped through pages of notes that were written in flourishing letters. She giggled at the silly things they said. She turned to the last page and it said

"Hi, I know this maybe a shock but I think I may know who you are. Pondwrite? Please send me an owl and let me know." Carmella gapped at the page. She slammed down the notebook and stalked out of the library. She was greeted by George, who was unaccompanied by his brother, he smiled and then noted her look.

"Hey, what's wrong? Are you alright?" he asked

"No, I just don't want anyone to know who I am."

"Why? Oh yeah that Snape thing. Look at me, it doesn't matter what has happened. You control you, and others will soon believe that you aren't crazy."

"I guess."

"By the way, I have something! Fireworks!" Carmella giggled and Fred spotted them down the hall.

"Aww George! You ruined my surprise!" They laughed and most of Holiday worked out that way.


	6. Chapter 6

Carmella had avoided the library for a couple days after Holiday was over. And Jonathon was now convinced it wasn't the girl he thought it was. Carmella knew there was something wrong with her and she thought it had to do with that potion. She had spent nights angered at herself because she drank the potion. She knew she had to get an answer somehow. And she knew she couldn't get any dark arts books without a signed paper. There was only way to get that book and that was the way the Weasleys has said how Potter had gotten a book. Lockheart.

Being a Ravenclaw, she knew Lockheart was one a long time ago. So she had an idea of how to get it in a slightly less devious way. She smiled as she entered his classroom.

"Hello Professor!" she said sweetly.

"Ah! Miss…..erm Carmen."

"Carmella, sir. I have a request to ask of you."

"Indulge me."

"Well, you see I want to do an extra credit essay on one of your books and how accurately it correlates with a book in the restricted section. My father told me about it and I want to prove how excellent you are."

"Now now! I thank you and I love that you want to do more work for my class! And I love helping my students. So what can I help you with?"

"Oh, can you sign this paper saying I can look at the book?"

"Hmmm, I don't see an issue with that! If you like I can tell you more about what happened in those books! And I can give you an autographed picture!"

"That's not necessary, sir. But thank you!" she grabbed the paper he scribbled his name on.

She ran up to the library and managed to get into the Restricted section. She looked through all the books and saw a book that was enormous and all about potions. She sighed and flipped through the pages.

* * *

><p>Months passed by and school had began to come to a close. She had spent so much time in the library she had barely seen the sun. She hadn't had a lot of issues with Snape that year and began to think the potion was wearing off. She wanted so badly for it to be gone that she now believed it was practically gone. She stopped her search and began to spend more time outside with her fellow students.<p>

Jonathon began to seek refuge in the library but felt even more lonely in there with the girl he never really knew. And he wanted to know her but didn't think that he would ever see her, even though he hadn't seen her before.

* * *

><p>For some reason, Carmella decided to ride alone on the train home. Well she would have if a Gryffindor boy hadn't just sat down across her. She decided to ignore him the entire ride. Jonathon realized it wasn't her so he left the compartment right after she had fallen asleep.<p> 


End file.
